It’s nights like these I feel so trapped behind my own actions. I’m so blessed with a big heart whose capacity God knows exists, but I hate running into dilemmas and realizing no one’s got my back better than I do. Although I hate to admit how little faith I have in the people around me, in my mind, no one is dependable, trustworthy, or worth it. Of course, in spite of knowing this, I will never think twice about offering the lending hands that I don’t have. No bad experience will ever help me break this naivety-filled heart of mine.  

I don’t like saying these things. I don’t like being bitter and stating I am heartbroken. And I don’t want to expect anything except sheer and utter nothingness other than my own things. But that’s the truth: I am tired of receiving little to none from the people I drop anything against all odds to do the dumbest things for (I don’t care what you ask for, but I am NOT your assistant/lapdog). I will give out five of my hands when I really only have two, juggling against all odds and nonetheless forgetting to juggle my own needs.

Don’t have me on speed dial when I’m not even on your top five. Bitchassness.